hole in my heart

how do i write this, when i'm still trying to grasp the reality of what happened.
my father died unexpectedly and suddenly 2 days ago at age 65. he had a heart attack during a sprint run at the park, it was very hot and humid that day. he was an avid runner as long as i can remember, typically running 6 miles a day. he didn't smoke, drink alcohol or coffee. he wore a seat belt. he watched his weight. he was active with a strong work ethic and lived a simple life in the country. ironically, he was a certified EMT and Wilderness EMT- prepared to save other people's lives. if he had come across himself during that run, he would've known what to do. the how's and why's repeat over and over in my head. but there are no answers.

we were to visit him in 2 weeks time. i had just spoke to him on the phone 4 days ago, and asked what kind of cookies he'd like me to bring (chocolate chip). our trip is now happening 1 week sooner to attend his memorial service. i'll still bring the cookies as promised.

what i try to focus on is that he had a great quality of life up to the last second. there were no doctors, drugs, hospitals or long drawn out painful decline. he went out in a bang, doing what he loved... running in the great outdoors, under the sun and sky. he also loved to fly and held a pilots license. i know he is flying now, higher than ever before.

(photo taken at his house)
when i look up at the sky, i will think of my dad.